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Friday, February 25, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Andy's DUI
Back near the end of senior year, Dillon threw a pool party at his house. Dillon threw a pool party just about every weekend, but this pool party Andy made a fateful mistake. He didn't get drunk. You see, Suzy Q did get drunk and she needed a ride, so Andy naturally gave her a ride. But, she didn't need a ride home, which was close and on the way for Andy, she needed a ride to a friends, which was quite a bit farther. On the way, Andy went through a light that was absolutely yellow because he saw the light after it turn green in his rear view mirror after he had gone down the road a ways, but some cops pulled him over anyways because he drives a mustang and cops have nothing better to do than harass teenagers. The first 300 pound pig that walked up to Andy's car acted very casual. He just said Andy had ran a red light and asked for his driver's license. The cops ran Andy's driver's license, saw the MIC Andy had gotten from the Shack 2.0 and decided to fuck him. You see in Texas a cop can give a DUI to anyone under 21 without any test just by saying they "detected" alcohol. Let me tell you, the second 300 pound pig must have been the Sherlock Holmes of alcohol because he "detected" alcohol before he even saw Andy. The cop walked up to the window and said, "Since this is your first traffic violation, we're going to let you off with a warning, but have you been drinking tonight?"
Andy, of course, said he hadn't been drinking. That went back and forth for a while. The cop just kept asking if Andy had been drinking and Andy had nothing to say each time but that he hadn't been drinking. Eventually the cop just asked Andy to get out of the car, stood him behind his car and gave him a one second eye exam facing the cop's flashing lights, which Andy's lawyer told him makes it not a legitimate test. Andy was then handcuffed and put in the back of the cop car while they searched his car. They found an unopened bottle of rum in the trunk of his car. Yeah, unopened, as in he hadn't drink any.
Well, Suzy Q, who was actually drunk, was allowed to call a friend to pick her up. You see, Suzy Q has really big... eyes... Meanwhile, the mustang, was towed and Andy was taken to a holding sell at the police station. Andy's parent's called him because he was now past his curfew, but he couldn't answer because he was handcuffed, so the cops answered and told Andy's parents they had arrested him and gave him a DUI because he was stumbling drunk. Which is total bullshit.
Andy was taken downtown to the jail and put in the holding tank. He met many interesting people there, most of them were there for stupid shit like small amounts of weed. Every once in a while, the cops ordered everyone to stand up, then sit back down. There was this one, drunk ass, girl who fell down every time she tried to stand up. Andy was eventually let out, never to trust cops again.
Andy, of course, said he hadn't been drinking. That went back and forth for a while. The cop just kept asking if Andy had been drinking and Andy had nothing to say each time but that he hadn't been drinking. Eventually the cop just asked Andy to get out of the car, stood him behind his car and gave him a one second eye exam facing the cop's flashing lights, which Andy's lawyer told him makes it not a legitimate test. Andy was then handcuffed and put in the back of the cop car while they searched his car. They found an unopened bottle of rum in the trunk of his car. Yeah, unopened, as in he hadn't drink any.
Well, Suzy Q, who was actually drunk, was allowed to call a friend to pick her up. You see, Suzy Q has really big... eyes... Meanwhile, the mustang, was towed and Andy was taken to a holding sell at the police station. Andy's parent's called him because he was now past his curfew, but he couldn't answer because he was handcuffed, so the cops answered and told Andy's parents they had arrested him and gave him a DUI because he was stumbling drunk. Which is total bullshit.
Andy was taken downtown to the jail and put in the holding tank. He met many interesting people there, most of them were there for stupid shit like small amounts of weed. Every once in a while, the cops ordered everyone to stand up, then sit back down. There was this one, drunk ass, girl who fell down every time she tried to stand up. Andy was eventually let out, never to trust cops again.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Military Excerpt from "The Muscle of the Fiends"
To first begin this series of epic military adventures I must first introduce to you the characters that will play a part in them. So I present to you my brothers from another mother.
Thugnasty Fresh - Hailing from Smackover, ARK with his swag turned all the way up and his collars popped even higher he rocks The Boosie Fade while he's gettin' paid. The best wingman I have ever had who once passed for my half-egyptian brother. It is said that his Bulldog Brigade Bark never fails in his endless pursuit of women.
Pit Bull - Standing tall at 5'3" as a Detroit Heavy Hitter not taking any shit "frome no one". He is a proud Puerto Rican and blasts music frequently. You will seldom catch him with a shirt on. "Bulldog Brigade, BITCH!!"
Citizen Cope - With an ogre-like stature at 5'9" and a love for the surfer dude lifestyle. He loves to chill and play his bongos wearing sandals. He has an interesting roommate.
Stricky Pooh Bear - One of the funniest/coolest/interesting guys I have ever met. With an oger like stature and a tremendous amount of speed for his awkwardly shaped body. He loves to insult peoples mothers and swear violently. There will never be another.
The story begins in the West Texas town of El Paso... [Classic Spaghetti Western Instrumental Fill]
Thugnasty Fresh - Hailing from Smackover, ARK with his swag turned all the way up and his collars popped even higher he rocks The Boosie Fade while he's gettin' paid. The best wingman I have ever had who once passed for my half-egyptian brother. It is said that his Bulldog Brigade Bark never fails in his endless pursuit of women.
Pit Bull - Standing tall at 5'3" as a Detroit Heavy Hitter not taking any shit "frome no one". He is a proud Puerto Rican and blasts music frequently. You will seldom catch him with a shirt on. "Bulldog Brigade, BITCH!!"
Citizen Cope - With an ogre-like stature at 5'9" and a love for the surfer dude lifestyle. He loves to chill and play his bongos wearing sandals. He has an interesting roommate.
Stricky Pooh Bear - One of the funniest/coolest/interesting guys I have ever met. With an oger like stature and a tremendous amount of speed for his awkwardly shaped body. He loves to insult peoples mothers and swear violently. There will never be another.
The story begins in the West Texas town of El Paso... [Classic Spaghetti Western Instrumental Fill]
Curly
i only invented the race lol, no bigs.
I just threw some naughty, some nice, a beezay(with its hwhayts, xanxah bar, and lil beetz to mahk beacst with the natives into space, transmuting into a unstable meteoric mass, it crashed into west campus...booooooooom. fients
I just threw some naughty, some nice, a beezay(with its hwhayts, xanxah bar, and lil beetz to mahk beacst with the natives into space, transmuting into a unstable meteoric mass, it crashed into west campus...booooooooom. fients
Friday, January 28, 2011
Princesses first post
Once upon a time, when i fiended at the magical palace called towers, I went to a gathering at a place called Sig Ep Jungle. When I returned to my kingdom i decided to take a shower, nobody in the palace was really aware i was back. Fiends were fiending, so nobody really noticed me coming in. I suppose i suddenly fell in the shower and bumped my head. All i know is that i was rescued 4 hours later by Andy and Dillon. Nobody really knows what happened but we believe someone gave me poison berries, cause i dont remember much for a stretch of over 6 hours. This was not the first time i have consumed posion berries.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Skeletor
Where do I even begin about the events that transpired last night? The Stone returned to her and Lemmon's apartment at 4:30 only to find two COMPLETELY SMASHED fiends in her bed! She got a little short with them and after cooling down a bit, she finally figured out the punishment. She ran into Lemmon's room and announced that they were having a long dress party. Lemmon, The Stone,......and Pearlsnap all begin their fashion show. While Pearlsnap wasn't looking, The Stone hid his clothes. They soon departed to go to the aparts. After arriving at their destination, they were soon joined in the living room by Kief and Skeletor. Little did they know of what was to come. Skeletor started asking Kief multiple times about Cyphoon's iPhone. After bitching for about 10 minutes and antagonizing him about the war (not cool Skeletor), Kief stood up and yelled at Skeletor for a minute and then went on a walk to cool down.
The Stone, Lemmon, Pearlsnap and Skeletor continued drinking into the afternoon....and evening....and night. Fiends eventually started filing in the apartment over the next couple hours. Lemmon was in and out of consciousness all night. The events that came next are hard to describe. The Stone accidentally told Skeletor that Kief was sitting on The White House's front porch, which was soon followed by a quick run to the balcony screaming threats and whatnot. To everyone's terror, Kief gets up and starts walking over. He knocks and eventually he was let in only to be yelled at by Skeletor, but to everyones surprise, he went around the apartment gathering all of his belongs and bid adieu to everyone. With all the drama being gone in her life, Skeletor realizes she needs to stir some shit up. Keep us on our toes. (bahaha so true... broken glass) I think the next thing I remember is seeing Skeletor and Pearlsnap get in a fight. She was hitting him in the face and neck. She then went apeshit on everyone screaming at them. She threw an empty glass bottle of Captain Morgan at Stedwards but not after she hit The Stone in the back. She wasnt even provoked by anyone. She then manages to throw another glass bottle of captain which successfully breaks, followed by a glass and then another cup. Boris, Andy and Dillion came out of Boris's room when they heard breaking glass, for the third time, and attempted to throw out Skeletor. Skeletor locked herself in Cyphoon's room, who wasn't there. After another thirty minutes of everyone yelling at Skeletor, she finally left. There is video of all of this. If anyone knows how to blur faces, we will put it up.
The Stone, Lemmon, Pearlsnap and Skeletor continued drinking into the afternoon....and evening....and night. Fiends eventually started filing in the apartment over the next couple hours. Lemmon was in and out of consciousness all night. The events that came next are hard to describe. The Stone accidentally told Skeletor that Kief was sitting on The White House's front porch, which was soon followed by a quick run to the balcony screaming threats and whatnot. To everyone's terror, Kief gets up and starts walking over. He knocks and eventually he was let in only to be yelled at by Skeletor, but to everyones surprise, he went around the apartment gathering all of his belongs and bid adieu to everyone. With all the drama being gone in her life, Skeletor realizes she needs to stir some shit up. Keep us on our toes. (bahaha so true... broken glass) I think the next thing I remember is seeing Skeletor and Pearlsnap get in a fight. She was hitting him in the face and neck. She then went apeshit on everyone screaming at them. She threw an empty glass bottle of Captain Morgan at Stedwards but not after she hit The Stone in the back. She wasnt even provoked by anyone. She then manages to throw another glass bottle of captain which successfully breaks, followed by a glass and then another cup. Boris, Andy and Dillion came out of Boris's room when they heard breaking glass, for the third time, and attempted to throw out Skeletor. Skeletor locked herself in Cyphoon's room, who wasn't there. After another thirty minutes of everyone yelling at Skeletor, she finally left. There is video of all of this. If anyone knows how to blur faces, we will put it up.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Dillon's Nose Saga
ACL 2010
After enjoying a few too many drinks followed by a few spliffs, Dillon found himself lost just as Deadmau5 began to play. Dillon began squeezing through the crowd in search of his friends only to end up getting punched square in the nose because he got in an argument with a giant.
A few months later
Dillon awoke in intense pain. He felt like he had been hit by a truck. No way was this real, he must be dreaming. He headed to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. He had been hit by a truck. Or something near to it. His eyes drew back in horror as they saw his blood covered face. His hands slowly rose up and after a brief touch of the nose he knew it wasn't a dream. What the fuck happened last night? He has no idea. His last memory is pounding shots of Pepe Lopez Tequila. Oh god, Pepe what did you do to him. After gently wiping his face clean, Dillon realizes he is most likely in need of medical condition. Still in a state of drunken/hungover disarray he lays in bed for a few minutes pondering what the fuck could have happened to him last night. He decided he needed to seek medical attention. Dillon borrowed Mirror's truck and drove himself over to Brackenridge hospital. Bad call. Upon sobering up during the 4 hour wait to be seen he realized he should have went to a doctor and not the emergency room. After receiving an x-ray and being informed of a broken nose he was given a bandaid and discharged. What a great way to spend 6 hours. Thousands of dollars in medical bills later all he had to show was a bandaid. A week later, he found out he had ridden his bike when he was drunk over a dip in the road and went flying over the handle bars.
After enjoying a few too many drinks followed by a few spliffs, Dillon found himself lost just as Deadmau5 began to play. Dillon began squeezing through the crowd in search of his friends only to end up getting punched square in the nose because he got in an argument with a giant.
A few months later
Dillon awoke in intense pain. He felt like he had been hit by a truck. No way was this real, he must be dreaming. He headed to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. He had been hit by a truck. Or something near to it. His eyes drew back in horror as they saw his blood covered face. His hands slowly rose up and after a brief touch of the nose he knew it wasn't a dream. What the fuck happened last night? He has no idea. His last memory is pounding shots of Pepe Lopez Tequila. Oh god, Pepe what did you do to him. After gently wiping his face clean, Dillon realizes he is most likely in need of medical condition. Still in a state of drunken/hungover disarray he lays in bed for a few minutes pondering what the fuck could have happened to him last night. He decided he needed to seek medical attention. Dillon borrowed Mirror's truck and drove himself over to Brackenridge hospital. Bad call. Upon sobering up during the 4 hour wait to be seen he realized he should have went to a doctor and not the emergency room. After receiving an x-ray and being informed of a broken nose he was given a bandaid and discharged. What a great way to spend 6 hours. Thousands of dollars in medical bills later all he had to show was a bandaid. A week later, he found out he had ridden his bike when he was drunk over a dip in the road and went flying over the handle bars.
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